apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
