my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
