Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I touched a dick in church today
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
