i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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