Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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