hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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