I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize