k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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