I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
