Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
