whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
