apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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