how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is wine microwaveable?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
