No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
