Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
smell my finger.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
