I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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