Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
