They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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