In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
