Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
