We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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