About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
