i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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