Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize