this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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