I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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