I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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