K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude i'm inner monologue high
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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