your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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