3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
