dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
