Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize