Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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