I wish I could teleport
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
