Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
