I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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