I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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