something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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