lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
