if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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