Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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