I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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