Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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