I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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