I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
