why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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