some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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