I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
