just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
