how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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