I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
