Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
