what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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