Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
