You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
