My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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