i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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