I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
