Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
