How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
