She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
