she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
