At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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