You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
