three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
