Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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