Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
