i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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