You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
