Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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